Last Update: 12.10.06
The Sibling Blog
There's a lot of love between Iris and Kellen, along with friendship, playmates...and even all the complicated stuff such as competition, jealously...
I'll be putting some of it here so they know some of what their relationship was like these early years.
February 25th, 2006: A Friendship is Forming
Our new house has brought some big changes in Iris and Kellen's sibling behavior. At night, we let them sleep in our bed while we go downstairs for awhile so they won't be scared...and we always find them snuggled up against each other when we come back upstairs.
The have learned to love having their own rooms. With that major change, they also are learning how much fun it is to be able to say 'no, you can't come it'...but also that one risks the related consequence of not being welcome the next time.
Today, I was listening to them playing, and they were actually PLAYING together. Like real friends. Of course the real change has been in Kellen's ability to follow directions and play with Iris instead of just doing the toddler thing of disrupting her activity. They are really sweet together.
They like to play dress up and especially 'pirates'.
December 27th, 2006: Let the Egging Begin
Yes, my children egg each other on. When one of them is being counted, the other trys to get them mad enough to get to a timeout.
Can't wait until we're in the new house and can send them to separate levels of the house!
October 31st, 2006: Come 'on, Iris!
Just when I worry that my kids are growing apart, we have a night like tonight. The kids were happy to hold hands and run up to houses together to trick-or-treat. Kellen even ran ahead, realized Iris wasn't following (I was adjusting her jacket), and he stopped, waited for her, and yelled "Come 'on, Iris!"
Moments like these are why we love that the kids each have someone else besides just us cheering them on...for a lifelong relationship.
Oct. 11, 2006: Different Expectations
I read an interesting bit about helping set siblings on a good path... "Expect less from your eldest and more from your youngest". We've been trying that for the past week and 1/2, and it seems to be working. Kellen is up to much more than we've been giving him credit for...especially when I look at our expectations of Iris at the same age.
...and I'm working a lot harder on getting Iris 'off the hook' for things Kellen does that incite an argument. Last night, as Kellen was settling off to sleep he said "Mommy? I wuv I-wis"....and that made my heart melt. Iris said "I love you Kellen" back to him.
Sept. 13, 2006: Getting back
I dread whenever we have to resort to a steroid shot for Kellen's allergies. He got one on Monday, and he has just not been himself. Yelling at us. Saying "NO!". Refusing to apologize for hitting.
He got Iris back this morning and last night for her rebuff of the other day. He is grumpy, throwing toys, taking us far too long to get anywhere.
*sigh.
Sept. 9, 2006: Impromptu sweetness
Today, Kellen woke up, got out of bed, and ran to his little refridgerator. He got his big sister a cereal bar, ran into the bedroom to give it to her...and she replied a sleepy, grumpy "I don't WANT it!".
My sweet little guy collapsed in tears. It took me a long time to comfort him. I tried to make him understand that his sister doesn't feel like talking in the morning until she's been up for a while. Poor Kellen
Aug. 18, 2006: Sibling Play
Most of the time, I'm amazed at how good my children get along. Tonight, they happily played with each other all evening. They chased each other all around the church basement during the showing of 'Larry & the Bad Apple'. Then they wanted to cuddle to sleep, hugging each other and tickling each other into fits of giggles until we finally demanded they go to sleep.
Some of their favorite sibling games right now:
- each grabbing a truck and pushing it all over the house in a mini-parade
- playing with the computer and sitting next to each other
- using their vehicles on the activity table
Their biggest rivalries:
- about who gets to pick the first book, the first show, the first 'cuddle' with Mommy
- who gets to use the grasshopper towel after the shower tonight
- who gets to use the computer first
- who gets to pick which plate
*sigh. They actually are doing what they are supposed to be doing...learning how to negotiate conflict.
...and despite what I would like it to be, the goal as a parent is NOT to prevent these small training-wheel conflicts. The goal is to give them the tools to resolve these effectively in a calm, caring manner. Which means, by definition, that more conflicts are more opportunities for teaching life skills.
So my question is, when do I get some energy back so I can deal with these incidents with unlimited patience and understanding?
Aug. 13, 2006: 'I HATE Kellen'
Yes, I heard those words for the first time today. ...and I understood how she felt, after he had been in her space all day. He woke up really grumpy from his nap, and kept moving to sit next to her so he could push her.
...and she stomped into her room. I did talk to her about it, reassuring her that I understood her anger, that I had been an older sister and knew it wasn't easy...and that I was proud of her for using her words and walking away rather than hitting him. I didn't correct her use of the word 'hate', as she doesn't know the definition and to her, its just use of the strongest anger word she knows. I'll work on giving her more words for frustration, etc. But I gave her a hug, then left her alone...
...and she came out of her room looking for little brother, invited him to dance to music with her, & they were playing together happily just 15 minutes later.
July 27, 2006: "Where's Iris?"
Kellen loves playing with his big sis. When she goes off to play by herself, he looks for her, then comes up to me and says 'Where's my friend Iris?' in his sweet little boy voice.
Today, they decided to 'explore caves' by climbing underneath the fitted sheet on Mommy & Daddy's bed. Kellen got stuck and started crying.
Seems whenever they play and something happens to them, Iris's first words are 'I didn't do anything' (if she didn't ) or ' I didn't mean to!'. That just happens when one of them is a lot bigger than the other.
*sigh.
July 15, 2006:
Iris threw Kellen down the stairs at Grandma and Grandpa's house. She didn't mean to, and she was very concerned that we knew she didn't. ...but my oh my, our poor little guy. He wasn't hurt, but you can read about it at either of their blogs...
July 12, 2006:
We took the kids to a water park in Burlington, but had to separate so Daddy could stay with Kellen, I could stay with Iris, since their levels of competence are so different.
When Kellen was really upset because a kid blasted him in the face with a water cannon, Iris helped him feel better once both of them got their lunch into them. She'll try to make him feel better once I point out how he is feeling.
July 4, 2006:
The kids are on the mend from the latest bout of strep throat, and getting sick of being confined.
Today, we took them to the store to get stuff to make cookies, and they just were tired of being near each other. They both wanted to hold my hand, and got mad when they had to 'share' me...leaving poor Peter feeling left out as usual.
I know I'll cherish these memories when they're teenagers and I can do nothing right. Right?!
Tonight, at the fireworks, Iris's daycare friend, Ashley, was there with her family. The girls were having lots of fun rolling down the hill, and poor Kellen felt left out. My poor little guy. He kept getting mad that Iris was 'playing' without him.
June 29, 2006:
Last night Iris did better when Kellen had his class, but only because I sat with her, and she badgered me the whole time. We'll have to work on it.
Our schedule right now:
6:15 Wake up (Iris doesn't get up until 7:00)
6:55 Mommy leaves for work (walks) after laying out clothes, packing their daycare bags, making sure they are up
7:50 Daddy takes kids to daycare
12:00 Mommy/Daddy lunch time (Mommy reads to Iris's class once a week, Kellen's class once a week on my lunch hour)
3:30 Mommy off work (picks up Iris for gymnastics)
4:30 Mommy picks up Daddy, Kellen
5:30 Mommy cuddle time with kids for reading or watching a show (if we're really tired or they're wound up) while Daddy cooks dinner
6:30 Mommy gives kids a shower, then Daddy helps Kellen get dressed. Daddy gives medicine.
7:30 Story time for kids (mostly Mommy, sometimes Daddy), then Mommy lays down with them to talk about the day, and follow doctor's orders to lay down during this time since it is when my hormones are the lowest and my body needs rest or it eats my muscle mass. Daddy watches tv &/or plays on computer
8:30 Kids asleep; Mommy gets up to do laundry, dishes, then sit with Daddy for 1/2 hour or so
10:00 Mommy goes to sleep. Daddy goes to bed around 11:00 or 12:00
1:00 am Mommy usually awake, so I type & do another load of dishes or laundry or clean
June 28, 2006:
Iris gets so mad when Kellen is having his gymnastics class...she can't believe she has to sit there watching all the fun. *sigh.
This morning, she yelled when she woke up...she slept HARD...and scared Kellen quite badly. Poor little guy.
The are both clingy to me right now since Peter had left for awhile. He gave them their shower last night and read their stories to them to give me a much needed break.
June 19, 2006:
Right now, difficult times for Kellen and Iris. Kellen is really taking off vocally, and he is needing more 'in arms' time to feel safe. Iris is not happy having to share Mommy more, and I feel torn. My little guy is just so special too -- and I want him to completely know that I am there for him.
Last night, Iris was so mad at me for cuddling Kellen to sleep. I had to be firm with her so she would quiet down and let him go to sleep instead of keeping on with the badgering. I love both of them so much and wish I had four arms, but it's just not possible. *sigh.